The Day My World Stood Still.

It was August, 24th, 2017. From what I can remember, it was around 5-6am. Hurricane Harvey was less than 24 hours from making landfall. I had woken up from a strange dream, and the only thing I can remember vividly was a woman crying. As my eyes opened, the crying became louder and clearer. I could hear my mom crying out in the hallway. What scared me was that I already knew what it was. I just didn’t want to believe it. I hopped out of bed and slowly opened my bedroom door. I saw my mom in tears. Suddenly, she spoke the three words that I NEVER wanted to hear in my entire life, “grandma is gone.”

It was like a bomb went off in my ears. I heard nothing outside of my own breath. And I didn’t feel anything other than my heart shattering. I was given the unfortunate responsibility to call my sister, who lives in college station, and tell her that our grandmother is no longer with us. The words were there, but I had no strength to say it out loud. After a few minutes out in my backyard, I went to go check on my mom, who was on the phone with my dad. I couldn’t even imagine what my parents were feeling.

Later that morning, my grandpa, my brother, and my two uncles arrive back from the hospital. There was a painful silence between everyone. My brother and I went to check on my dad, who went into the hallway to grieve. He tightly wrapped his arms around the both of us. If I’m being honest, I can’t ever recall a time where my dad was hurting and crying other than when my great grandma passed away many years prior.

A few hours pass, and I believe I was trying to block it out. It was pure instinct to hold back my tears as I tried to make sense of such a painful loss. That evening, we were preparing ourselves for the heavy rains as Hurricane Harvey was getting closer. The storm lasted for nearly two weeks. Can you imagine what it must feel like to be stuck at home after losing a loved one? Can you imagine what it feels like to be locked inside your room and being forced to either suppress or address the feeling that comes with loss for two weeks? It fucking sucks. And moments like that can leave wounds. You won’t see it but trust me, they’re there.

Now, my grandma had some health issues. I refuse to go into detail out of respect for my family, but for the remaining years we had left with her, she was holding on by a thread. One morning, she just couldn’t hold on any longer. I don’t blame her, to be honest. Selfishly, I didn’t want to lose her. However, I also didn’t want her to be in pain anymore. She was tough though. She was a warrior. That lady was small, but she was also a fiery, little woman haha.

Fast forward 3 years later. Caravel is preparing to step foot into the studio to record our sophomore album, Feelings. Now, we’ve written some meaningful songs on our debut EP, Breakup Season. However, it wasn’t until we began the writing process for our second album where I’d felt the need to get something off of my chest. I was sitting at home in my bedroom. I was out of a job thanks to this global pandemic. And for the first time in a long time, I sat in my room and I was going through some old pictures of my grandma. As I rummaged through a box full of memories and old collections, I found a copy of a poem I had written for my grandma, which was presented at her funeral. I picked up my guitar and started to experiment with some riffs. I ended up playing an unused song from my first band and played along to the words in the poem. I knew two things instantly: 1.) I want to write a song about her and for her. 2.) It is going to be the HARDEST writing process I will ever have to go through. So, I perfected the riff and laid down the lyrics. And after an hour or two, I perfected the song. Next practice I showed Dalton. Truth is that I had no intention to put the song on the new album, and I think Dalton knew I was feeling that. Before I could say anything, he says, “This needs to be on the album!”

I was hesitant. It was hard enough to write it. Now, I had to muster the courage and the strength to go through it all over again. In order to lay down some of the most honest vocal tracks and lyrics, I had to go back to that time. I had to go back to that morning my heart crumbled into a million pieces. And that’s exactly what happened. We get to Walle’s. We go through all of the tracks and we finally get to my grandma’s song. I’ve forgotten how many takes we ran through, but after everything was said and done, I was completely drained. I believe I started to feel what I felt that day. It was the day my world stood still. Three years later, it’s a feeling that’ll remain the same.

The song is called, “Carry On.” It’s inspired by the poem I had written for my grandma entitled, “My Golden Girl.” I wanted to put out something that’ll keep her legacy alive for my family. And I wanted to put out a song that everyone can relate to. All I can do is make her proud from now until I draw my last breath.

If ANYONE has ever lost a loved one, you probably don’t know how you should deal with it. You’ll probably feel like nothing makes sense, or you’ll probably feel like your world is smaller because of what or who you have lost. Trust me… After three long years, my world is still smaller because of who I lost. But I can promise this: you are never alone.

This song is dedicated to the life and memory of my grandmother, Mary Molina.

I love you!

I miss you!

And I hope I’m making you proud!

Our new single Carry On will be released January 12th, 2021.

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